A Father's Love

One Man’s Unrelenting Battle to Bring His Abducted Son Home

by David Goldman

2011 

Not necessarily a book I would have picked up on my own initiative, A Father’s Love was so captivating and utterly horrifying, that I couldn’t put it down.

Passed along with high recommendations from a dear friend, this book recounts the events surrounding the abduction of Sean Goldman in June 2004 and the excruciating battle his father, David Goldman, undertook to bring him home.

Alarmingly, the perpetrators were Sean’s mother and maternal grandparents.

As a quick recap, four year old Sean left his father and home in New Jersey to travel with his mother and grandparents back to their native country, Brazil. The trip was labelled “family vacation”, but in reality, it was anything but.

Just days after his son and wife left, David Goldman received a phone call from his wife stating their marriage was over and their son would not be returning to the United States.

Thus began David’s five year separation from his son and a fight against unbelievable legal and governmental corruption.

I won’t write what happened, but let’s just say, the Hague Abduction Convention didn’t work.

What is the Hague Abduction Convention?  
As quoted from the previous link, “The Hague Convention of 25 October 1980 on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction is a multilateral treaty, which seeks to protect children from the harmful effects of abduction and retention across international boundaries by providing a procedure to bring about their prompt return”. 

Not all countries participate in this treaty. A list of the countries who do can be accessed here.

First of all, I must say, it’s a sad day that something like the Hague Abduction Convention even exists. However, as David Goldman stated in his book, at the time of Sean’s abduction there were at least sixty-five other American children who had been abducted to Brazil and, at the time of writing the book, nearly three thousand had been abducted internationally.

Most of these children have been abducted by a parent or legal-guardian.

The Hague Abduction Convention is obviously necessary.  

Please note: Brazil had signed the treaty at the time of Sean’s abduction, but the courts chose not to cooperate with it.

To learn more about this type of child abduction, visit David Goldman’s website at www.bringseanhome.org.

On a final note, I was surfing the web the other day and came across a recent interview and news report about David and Sean Goldman. Apparently, their ordeal is not over as Sean's grandparents continue to pursue legal action against David.

Reading on...

    

Just a Minute

by Wess Stafford, President and CEO, Compassion International

2012

I had read Mr. Stafford’s first book, Too Small to Ignore, way back in spring 2010 and found it to be incredibly powerful.

So powerful that I picked up copies for the Kid’s Ministry servants at church and encouraged them very strongly to read it. (You can do that when you coordinate the ministry!) 

In Too Small to Ignore, Mr. Stafford tells his story of abuse at the hands of boarding school missionaries and how God used that experience for His purpose in the development of the child advocacy organization, Compassion International.

Though I was moved by all 264 pages, the following hit me hard, 

“Watch carefully the children around you. In precious moments you will catch a glimpse of your Saviour’s face. Listen intently and you will hear His voice. Walk gently among them; His footprints are all around you. Embrace them, for you are embracing Him. Respect them, because they are sometimes God’s agents – exactly the kind of instruments He needs. At such times, only a child will do,” (pg 228).

As I had been impacted so deeply by Too Small to Ignore, when I saw an advertisement for Mr. Stafford’s new book, I quickly placed my order.

Just a Minute did not disappoint.

If you are looking for a book that pours out beauty with ugliness, restoration with abandonment, time with neglect, smiles with tears, this is it.

Filled with stories of passing moments between children and adults, Mr. Stafford’s premise is that how an adult chooses to respond to a child will, in many cases, have a lasting effect on that child's life.  

For the good and for the bad.

For instance, did you know that notorious German leader, Adolf Hitler, was one of five children in an abusive household? As the story goes, a young Adolf decided he would run away from home like his older brother, but not before his father found out and locked him in a room to prevent it....

Adolf tried to escape by squeezing through a barred window, but couldn't quite fit. To make himself smaller, Adolf removed all his clothes and made another attempt. As he tried to wriggle his way out, he heard his father’s approach and quickly moved back from the window, covering his nakedness with a nearby tablecloth.

“This time ... [his father] did not punish with a whipping. Instead he burst into laughter and shouted to [his mother] to come up and look at the “toga boy”. The ridicule hurt Adolf more than any switch...” (John Toland, Adolf Hitler, New York: Doubleday, 1976)

And, as the common phrase goes, the rest is history. Adolf Hitler would never let himself be ridiculed again.

On the more positive side, Mr. Stafford also included an account of the leading animator for many beloved Disney characters such as Ariel from The Little Mermaid, the beast in Beauty and the Beast, Rapunzel in Tangled, among others.

This animator’s name is Glen Keane, son of “The Family Circus” creator, Bil Keane. 


When Glen was young, he aspired to draw just like his dad. On one particular day, Glen could not get his sketch of a horse right. Instead of looking like a horse, it looked more like a dog! Glen sought his father’s help.

Despite having his work interrupted for an inconsequential sketch of a horse, Bil Keane stopped what he was doing and helped his son draw the horse correctly. 


In that moment, as Wess Stafford reports in his book, “Glen felt loved and respected,” (page 165-166). Glen obviously went on to be a very talented "sketcher". 

Just a Minute is full of stories like these. 


Stories that made my head swell with shame and stories that made me nod quietly with approval.

This book reminded me that the moments I spend with my children count. 


My words, my expression, my actions. 


They all matter.  


For good and for bad.

As both my sons learned in kindergarten, everyone has a bucket. Am I emptying their buckets or filling them?


When I act with compassion and grace, I am filling.
When I act with anger and impatience, I am emptying.

Sometimes it is only by the grace of God that I don’t dump their buckets right out onto the floor.


And that is the point.

Taking a moment out of the busyness of my life to ask the child next to me about their day, or to laugh at a “non-joke”, or to compliment the use of colour in a scribbled picture isn't always accomplished through my own strength.


Sometimes it is only accomplished through the grace of God given to me.

And I need to remember, I am also a child. A child of God. 


And God takes every moment for me.




Reading on...

Beowulf The Warrior

Author unknown

Retold by Serraillier

1954

My children need more culture in their lives.

Something beyond hockey.

Something beyond Star Wars.

An introduction to other interesting things in life.

The first step toward a more cultured life included a night out at the ballet for Son #1, The Nutcracker at Christmas.

His take on it? Not bad.

My take on it? A good sign.

  

As part of my quest for culture, and propelled by my own desire to read to the kids more, I picked up a retelling of the ancient book, Beowulf, for our night time fiction.

Apparently, Beowulf is the oldest epic in the English language and was written sometime during the eleventh century, though it’s also been dated as far back as the eighth century. No one really knows for sure. 

And talk about culture, Beowulf is a 3182 line alliterative poem, though our retold version only had about 800 lines. 

The lines were beautiful to read aloud.

Anyway, it was a great read, even if a little hard for the kids to understand at times.

Battles, monsters, treasure, a noble and valiant hero... they all add up to make a terrific boy story! And the boys loved it.

Even more, Beowulf portrayed values we want to instil in our kids such as courage, honour and, the very unpopular, humility.

Reading on...

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4

   

Slumdog Millionaire

by Vikas Swarup
2005

My husband and I borrowed Slumdog Millionaire, the movie, from our local library about a month ago - only four years late!

Meaning the movie won eight Academy Awards in 2008...  

I loved it. To me, Slumdog Millionaire was a movie about redemption, right and wrong choices, and intense happiness smack in the middle of depressing sadness.

Often when I love a movie based on a book, I look long and hard to find the book then eagerly sit and read.

Well, I looked long and hard and ended up borrowing the book from the local library.

Thank goodness I didn't buy it.

Originally published as Q & A, the book Slumdog Millionaire, was somewhat of a shock for me.

And not a good one.

Basically, I read about 70 pages then, completely unlike me, decided I'd had enough.


Enough of the details I didn't want lodging in my brain.


So,


Slumdog Millionaire, the book, was promptly returned to the library.

Reading on...

Playing Catch Up - Children's Lit

Some of what I’ve read over the last months has included middle grade chapter books and one lone young adult fiction.

I love kids’ books.

The Lightning Thief

By Rick Riordan

2005

 

This book is the first in the Percy Jackson & The Olympians series, and, what can I say? It was an interesting and exciting book. My nine year old loved it, after his initial surprise at the end of chapter one. 

This book is full of Greek mythology from Zeus to Medusa to Hades. Interesting stories for certain, but it also includes sacrifices to the gods, seeking help from the gods, giving the gods credit for creation... wind, water, sky... 

Fine and good as a story, but there were people who believed this and, consequently, miss out on the true Creator of it all.

A Proud Taste for Scarlet and Miniver

By E.L. Konigsburg

1973

I came upon this particular title on our recent holiday to California. It was tucked away in an aged children’s play area and I thought the cover looked intriguing. The library back home had it, and the rest is history (pun intended).

This book takes place way back in the 1100’s in England and France, telling the story of King Henry II, King Louis of France, Eleanor of Aquitaine and her two infamous sons, Richard the Lion Heart and Prince John.

All from the vantage point and retrospect of Heaven.

The story is interesting, especially for a history lover like me, though it makes Heaven sound fantastical.

I will definitely be looking up Eleanor of Aquitaine in my old history books.

Daughter of War

By Marsha Forchuk Skrypuch

2008

This book was my token young adult read, and out of all three books listed here, it was definitely my favourite.

And the most intense.

Daughter of War covers the massacre of Armenians in the Ottoman Empire during the early Twentieth Century. According to historical records, in April, 1909 more than 30,000 Armenians were slaughtered within a few very short days.

Thousands of Armenian homes were burned to the ground.

People were marched into the desert to die.

And this was only the beginning.

Fascinating.

Horribly sad.

Graphic and detailed in parts.

A great read for older kids. Thus, the young adult designation.

Reading on...

Playing Catch Up

Though the keys have been idle, my eyes have not and I have still been reading these last few months. There just hasn't been time to write about it!

Today, I will play catch up with only a few brief thoughts about each book.

Christ the Lord: The Road to Cana 

By Anne Rice

2008

I don’t think I would have pulled this book off the shelf myself, but my husband gave it to me for Christmas. After reading it last month, I am still gathering my thoughts. How should I feel about a book written from Jesus’ point of view?

A book that is not the Bible.

The Road to Cana covers the months leading up to the wedding where Jesus turns water into wine. The Bible doesn’t tell us anything about Jesus during this time, so who knows, perhaps what Anne Rice has suggested really could have happened.

The book appears to have been thoroughly researched. The historical detail, sights, and sounds are all amazing. To me, this makes it a great read, despite everything.

Just one further note, once I finished the book I was left with a curiosity about the author, Anne Rice. I knew her name from the many vampire books she’d written years ago, but I knew nothing of her personally.

Who is she that she can write a book through the eyes of Jesus?

On her website www.annerice.com I discovered a great many interesting things. For instance, did you know she was born as Howard Allen O’Brien  and chose the name “Anne” when entering first grade?
Also, that in 1998 Anne returned to the Catholic Church and, “in 2002 consecrated her writing entirely to Christ, vowing to write for Him or about Him”.

Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World

By Joanna Weaver

2000

It was with an intentional heart that I picked this book from my library. I’ve owned it for years, always hoping to read it someday, but never quite got around to it. After being assigned to teach that a woman should be “busy at home” for our Women’s Bible Study at church, I picked it up out of desperation!

I needed some direction...  

The book focuses on the Bible passage Luke 10:38-42 where Martha is busy working while her sister, Mary, sits at Jesus’ feet listening. Martha is worried and upset about her workload and almost chastises Jesus for not caring that she is doing everything while her sister just, well,  sits. In return, Jesus tells Martha that Mary has chosen what is better.

The book spoke to me in so many different ways, but essentially it comes down to this:

I need to spend time at Jesus’ feet before doing anything else. If I don’t, nothing will work because I don’t have the proper strength, motive, perspective or purpose.

Very powerful, and very useful in my talk.

A Wife After God’s Own Heart

 

By Elizabeth George

2004

Something else to help with the Women’s Bible Study... 

This book covers topics such as growing in your relationship with Jesus, functioning as a team with your husband, money management, keeping your home, raising your children, and making time for fun.

All good things.

Several ideas caught my eye...

• I need to make choices that can help me grow closer to the Lord
• I need to pick the right time in order to discuss issues with my husband, ie not as soon as he walks in the door after work.
• I bring glory and honor to God by keeping my home.
• I need to pray for my children.
• What a joy it is to serve the Lord with my husband.

Nothing really new, but certainly good reminders.

Half-Blood Blues

By Esi Edugyan

2011

This book won the Scotiabank Giller Prize and was a finalist for The GGs, the Rogers Writers’ Trust Fiction Prize, and the Man Booker Prize. I have no idea what these individual contests consider, but I do know they serve as Canada's top literary awards. I guess that’s another topic...

Because this book was recognized so highly, and because I didn't know anything about Blues music during  World War Two, I purchased it at our local big box book store.

So glad I did.

I couldn’t put it down. And because I read it during a family vacation, I didn't have to.

It did take me a few pages to get used to the unique dialogue.  However, once I did, it was beautiful.

The book was so well written and the story so fascinating, I bought it for my dad for Christmas. He also loved it and he’s a fussy reader!

The Best of Me

By Nicholas Sparks

2011

I haven’t read a lot of Nicholas Sparks, perhaps A Walk to Remember and that’s it. So, when I picked up his newest at the library on a whim, I didn’t really know what to expect.

I had an inkling that Mr. Sparks was a good, clean writer, and that he may even be a Christian. Apparently, he is, and according to a website I found, this is what he says...

The author told The Christian Post that his writing never includes adultery or pre-marital sex, although he knows that it happens in real life. He chooses not to write using profanity or sex because it is the higher road to do so, and not the “easy” way to create a conflict in a story.

Sparks says he is comfortable writing about his faith, and just because pre-marital sex does occur, [it] does not mean it occurs in 100 percent of young people. He believes that his exclusion of sex in his writing may encourage young people that “you can be in love and not go all the way.”

Without having this knowledge as I read the book, I found myself going “uh oh” a few times with the choices the main characters made. However, to say any more would ruin the story.

Let’s just say, I gave a sigh of relief at the end and I truly enjoyed the book.

I might even read a few more!

Chronicles of the Kings

(Gods and Kings; Song of Redemption; The Strength of His Hand; Faith of my Fathers; Among the Gods)

By Lynn Austin

This Biblical series follows Judah’s kings from Ahaz to Manasseh. While much of this series is fiction and speculation, the plot follows Biblical accounts found in 1 Kings, 2 Chronicles, Isaiah and probably several others books.

While some readers may regard these books as “light reading”, I thoroughly enjoyed them and found they helped bring the Bible to life.

What was especially interesting for me, is that the first book talks about the building of Hezekiah's Tunnel in Jerusalem in great detail. Well, a group from our church just visited the real Hezekiah's tunnel on their recent trip to Israel. It really does exists!

I would recommend this series in a heartbeat.




I have a few more books to add to this list, but I'll wait for another day...

The Art of Pushing Too Hard

A great love of mine, reaching far back into my childhood, is artistic gymnastics.

I spent a year or two in the gym then quit, believing it to be too costly for my parents.

I remember that conversation to this day. 

I regret that conversation to this day.

Several years later, I tried rhythmic gymnastics and, again, spent several years in the gym then coached a few more. Unsuccessfully, I might add.

However, for me “rhythmics” didn’t have quite the same pull.

Sigh, the trials of youth.

With that said I recently read two artistic gymnastic books and thoroughly enjoyed the experience of immersing myself in the world of the gym.

Letters to a Young Gymnast

by Nadia Comaneci

Basic Books

2004

Nadia Comaneci was my gymnastics hero, just like thousands of other aspiring gymnasts. 

One of my favourite movies growing up was, “Nadia”. I found it on You Tube and found it just as inspiring now as I did then. 

Note: Apparently the scene in the movie where Nadia drinks dish soap as a suicide attempt was stretched to add tension and drama.  

Letters to a Young Gymnast provides a glimpse into Nadia’s life as an elite gymnast in Romania and her new life in North America. Nadia also provides details of her defection to the United States – unreal.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Nadia’s experiences and truly felt sorry for her in parts. Life was not easy despite her national and international fame.

The book did not disappoint. 

Chalked Up

by Jennifer Sey

William Morrow/Harper Collins Publishers

2008

Until this autobiography, I had never heard of Jennifer Sey, the 1986 United States Gymnastics Champion.

While I thoroughly enjoyed her story, the experiences she detailed page after page totally took the romance out of elite gymnastics. Hers is a story of “merciless coaching, overzealous parents, eating disorders, and elusive Olympic dreams.”

Things no parent should want their child to experience. 

Reading her book did bring a certain question to mind...

What does pushing too hard look like? When does it happen?

When the rest of the family is propelled towards sacrifice for the sake of one child's aspirations...

When the child can't quit for fear of disappointing their parents...

When a child mutilates their body in the drive to succeed... 

I think the question of pushing too be hard can be asked of all parents of all children in activities. 

It is certainly not exclusive to gymnastics.

We recently asked ourselves this question with Number One Son. When is enough enough? 

For four years we poked and prodded him to attend music lessons, to practice music lessons, to love (or at least like) music lessons, until we finally gave up. 

We felt (and still do) that music adds depth to character never mind providing a very versatile and practical skill. 

Number One Son disagreed.

The pull he felt was to hockey.

I think there comes a time with all children when you have to let them give up on one activity in lieu of another. One can not be good at everything, and eventually comes the time to choose.

Which do they want to pursue?

If Number One Son wants to spend his time playing hockey instead of playing piano, so be it.

He did give piano four years, after all.

And he knows the minute he asks to go back, the door is open.

The fact is God has given us all unique and individual gifts. I believe one can worship God through playing hockey just as easily as through the piano. 

Just maybe not as traditional.

1 Corinthians 10:31

“So whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

If my Number One Son seeks to do his best at hockey to glorify God through helping his team, well then, he's in worship.

So, what about pushing within the activity they love?

Hockey is a terrific example.

In our city, all parents have to take an on-line course and sign their lives away agreeing to be respectful towards all players, coaches, refs, other parents, and, especially, their own child. 

Still, you regularly hear stories of parents who’ve failed.

Then, of course, there are all the signs and posters and emails about all the additional hockey and skating you, as a hockey parent, can sign your child up for. There are enough options to fill every nook of your child's time with hockey and the like.

As a hockey parent, the pull is certainly there. After all, you realize that the more practice time your child gets the better the team they'll end up on and the more competitive the games will be, and the cycle continues.

I know. I have felt it. 

I believe a sign of respect is not pushing your child too hard. Follow their lead. After all, pushing too hard will eventually back fire and your child will end up hating the activity they once loved.

So, my conclusion on the Art of Pushing Too Hard?

Pushing too hard is when a parent holds unrealistic expectations over their child.

Pushing too hard is when the parent forces their child to practice for the tenth (or even third) time that day.

Pushing too hard comes when a parent believes their child is the best and will do their activity professionally.

Pushing hard comes when a parent relives their youth through their child.

Pushing too hard when the parent forgets their child is still their child.

As a parent, there are times when it takes restraint to not push too hard or to hold your tongue. To let it be. Especially when I forget what really matters... 

As a parent, what should be the most important to me in all my child's activities?

That my child loves what they are doing.

That my child does their best at what they’re doing.

That my child glorifies God through what they are doing.

That my child is a light to others through what they are doing.

That my child feels my overwhelming love, encouragement and support, no matter how well they perform.

That is (part of) the Art of Parenting Well.

Reading on...